From the category archives:
Starbucks. Melbourne, Florida. BAD: I sit on the patio to read and blog and an idiot human sits right across from me (instead of the other 14 available seats), puts his dirty boots up on the table between us, and chain smokes into my face for 30 minutes. GOOD: I met Espresso, their mascot, who [...]
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Meet my new colleagues. They’re fun! Outgoing! Friendly! Also loud, distracted, scattered, slightly wacky, and occasionally off-kilter. Why? Because we work in cubicles. And they will make a bitch cray-cray. I’d heard about these modern work spaces, where brilliant ideas are meant to shoot out of one employee’s head and straight into another’s. Where the absence of walls and doors facilitates impromptu meetings of the [...]
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Florida’s for taking it easy, and Keeper has decided to comply. He’s quit stalking and dismembering stuffed animals, sprinting around town, terrorizing the weak, and most importantly, biting. Like most 119-year-olds, he is singularly focused on eating and pooping. Most days, mission accomplished. I like the new old Keep. Surprisingly predictable, virtually harmless. Best-friend material, you might even say.
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Bunny in the living room? Sure, why not. It’s a boy! I guess. Over Easter weekend I became the proud parent of a bouncing baby rabbit, some long-ago holiday gift that my sister’s kids soon tired of (imagine that). I’ve wanted to take him ever since he got stashed in the garage, and moving to Florida finally made it possible without buying him a plane [...]
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Well, Florida. You’re warm and toasty. You give good beach. I like your produce very much. And your people are pretty nice. But your work ethic is on par with a juvenile delinquent’s. You’re unfocused and unprofessional, distracted by all of the hurricanes perhaps—and you’re really starting to piss me off! I came to you [...]
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